8 Signs of Emotional Neglect in Family

Do you ever experienced a situation where you feel like venting out can be helpful to cope with that situation? Emotional expression is found to form emotional connections, personal insights and strengthening of relationship. At the same time, failure to express emotions or emotional neglect in childhood has its adverse effect on the individual. Often emotional neglect is not addressed by the caregiver of the children. Let’s dive deep into signs that helps in identifying emotional neglect. 

Remember parenting is not striving to be perfect, being ‘Good enough’ is all you should do. The term good enough mother was proposed by D. W. Winnicott. Parents should avoid trying to grow a child they would like to have; they should let the child become how the child want to be. When they try to be a perfect mother or father, they will fail to accept or look at the imperfections of others. This can become a threat to the children. 

Children learn from the family 

A child is good at modelling and learn everything from the parents or caregiver.

Deferred Imitation 

In Piaget’s theory of cognitive development, he posits that during the age of 2, the child develops an ability to replicate what is being observed after some interval. According to Bronfenbrenner, at the age of 2, the child’s microsystem contains parents or caregivers with whom the child directly interacts with and this nurturing and supportive environment is helpful for the child development. 

More Knowledgeable other 

Lev Vygotsky, developed a concept called zone of proximal development (ZPD). ZPD is a task that is beyond the child’s capability and can be done with the help of the other person, who is bit more knowledgeable called More knowledgeable person. This emphasizes the importance of the presence of parents in learning from simple games to complex real life situations. 

From this what we can understand is children learn everything from the parents starting from the interpersonal skills to moral development or cognitive development. Every growth the child experiences need a stable and supporting environment. Providing such environment is the  responsibility of the parents. 

Emotional Neglect 

Emotional neglect is the act of ignoring or not paying enough attention to the children’s emotional need. The sad truth is most of the parents are not aware of it. The parent wants to  take care of the child and give the financial support, physical support but they may fail to  address that the child need an emotional support. Though a parent fulfil every other psychological needs but failing to address their emotional needs may create a vacuum in the child.

8 Signs of emotional neglect in a family 

1. Superficial conversations 

Family seems to be perfect in all aspects from spending quality time together and so on. But the emotional needs are gone unnoticed. They avoid conversation on addressing the emotion. When the child tries to share their emotion, it may go unnoticed or not being acknowledged. In such cases, it may be hard to recall an incident when the family members discussed about the emotions. 

2. Bury our head in the sand 

When there occurs a major conflict or misunderstanding in the family, instead of speaking out or resolving it. It will be brushed under the rug. Piling up of emotions or unresolved conflicts can affect the mental health and psychological emotions. 

3. Competency among the members in the family

The children may often compete for some unknown reason. But when it is observed deeply it happens for the need for attention and love. 

4. Feeling of loneliness, in spite of presence of family members

Family is a safe and comfortable space, where people feel warmth and comfort. But in case of emotionally neglected family, though the family members are physically present, the child may feel lonely. 

5. Consider sharing negative emotions as weak 

The family may discourage them for sharing their personal emotional response to others. And this may cause emotional turmoil and create a resistance to open up in later circumstances even if it is severe or intolerable condition. 

6. Difficulty in identifying their own emotion 

When they undergo emotional neglect, children may feel difficult to identify emotions. This can lead to emotional numbness, isolation, detachment and confusion in future. Individuals may shut down their emotions and leading to difficulty in experiencing and understanding emotions. 

7. Affection is expressed in actions only 

The family members will show their affection through actions more than any other form. They may give materialistic things to make them happy but fail to notice their longing for emotional connect. 

8. Over perfectionism  

Children may later turn into perfectionist and overachievers. They started believing that  being perfect and achieving things are the those that can give them back what they have lost (affection and attention). But it often costs their mental health. Some may tend to try beyond their abilities.

Read More: Understanding the Pressure on High-Achievers

Consequences of emotional neglect in children 

Recognizing and addressing emotional neglect is essential to maintain emotional and  psychological well-being. 

• Researcher found that early emotional neglect may turn into alexithymia (difficulty in identifying and communicating personal feelings) (Aust et al., 2012). Alexithymia is considered as a risk factor of affective disorders. 
• The individual will develop low self-esteem and find difficult to form healthy relationships. 
• It can lead to chronic feelings of emptiness and sense of freedom. 
• It affects the perception of self, where parenting plays a crucial role (Rees, 2008)
• A study found that when a child experienced emotional neglect from the primary caregiver it later causes psychological distress. And also, they experience low cohesion and adaptability with their family. (Wark et al., 2003) 
• Emotional neglect in childhood may be a risk factor for cerebral infarction in older age. (Emotional Neglect in Childhood and Cerebral Infarction in Older Age | Neurology,  n.d.) 
• Researchers found that emotional neglect is linked to lower plasma oxytocin secretion leading to development of insecure attachment styles which contribute to fear and avoidance of social situation. (Müller et al., 2018) 
• Children perception of emotional neglect predicts potential risk for psychiatry disorders at the age of 15. (Young et al., 2011) 

Steps to overcome or avoid emotional neglect 

• If the parents failed to address the emotional neglect, it can be compensated if the child has some secondary caregiver like grandparents who listens to their emotional needs.
• If you feel like your emotions go unnoticed by others practice journaling. And always  communicate your needs those who are in close circle. 
• Practice self-compassion and emotional awareness exercises. 
• Individuals who faced emotional neglect may often feel hard to say no. Learn to say no and set boundaries. 

Take Away

Emotional neglect in childhood can have lasting psychological effects, impacting self-esteem, relationships, and emotional well-being. Recognizing its signs and fostering emotional awareness can help mitigate its impact. Parents don’t need to be perfect—providing a supportive and emotionally nurturing environment is key to a child’s healthy development.