7 Signs You Should Dump Your Therapist, According to Experts

Deciding to see a therapist is a courageous first step for your mental well-being. While it may seem tough to open up to a stranger, going to therapy will bear fruit in terms of your improved emotional well-being. A crucial aspect of therapy is the relationship that you share with them. This therapeutic alliance dictates whether there is compatibility between you and your therapist. While looking for a therapist, you must decide which therapeutic approach suits best as per your emotional difficulties. The specific therapeutic approach to your difficulties will pave the way for an established therapeutic alliance. 

There will be instances where you will feel that you and your therapist are not on the same page about a particular issue, or after the session, you may feel exhausted or dissociated. Sometimes it may seem as if the therapist is not understanding the depth of your emotions and instead neglects your perspectives. This is the time when you start reflecting upon your progress in therapy and whether the therapeutic alliance is proving to be effective for you. 

There will come a time when you will have to end your relationship with them, and it may seem like a difficult step to take. Ironically, this is something that would be effective when processed with, well, a therapist. However, it is important to realize that therapy is more about you than about your therapist’s emotions. There will be prominent enough instances where you will feel that your therapist is not as available for your healing process as they should be. The signs for you to look out for when you are not making progress or when you feel unheard or misunderstood are as below: 

7 Signs it’s time to dump your therapist 

1. Your reality gets dismissed 

You often feel as though you have to defend yourself and prove that your experiences are valid. If they often make you question your reality and try hard to defend the offender, it may be time to move on. Your therapist might engage in minimizing your situation and accusing you of being a victim of life circumstances. Such a judgemental approach will end up making you feel like you cannot speak up or feel unsafe with them. 

2. Your therapist is culturally insensitive 

A culturally insensitive therapist may dismiss the importance of family values, religion and culture crucial to an individual’s personality. If they suggest you pursue autonomy or go against your parent’s decision without considering the repercussions of such behaviour in the cultural context, you must end the relationship. A therapist needs to be culturally sensitive and aware in the therapy room. 

3. Focus solely on your thoughts 

Therapists have a niche or a specialized approach that they work with. However, if your therapist consistently keeps using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with you without considering that you are not benefitting from the approach, it may be time to self-reflect. A therapist must change the way of dealing with their clients based on the emotional difficulties that he/she may be facing. If they are rigid about their approach or do not specialize in what you are seeking, you must move on. 

4. They tell you what to do based on their agenda 

A therapist is supposed to provide you with tools that will help figure your way through life’s challenges. However, if your therapist blatantly tells you what to do, instead of supporting you to figure out for yourself what’s best for you, it is a sign of an unhealthy therapeutic relationship. You may grow to depend on your therapist for every life challenge and not attain the autonomy that is required of you. 

5. You don’t see a substantial progress in your growth 

After you begin your therapeutic journey, you may be able to see growth in yourself over time. As and when you start progressing in therapy with your emotional difficulties, you may see a change in your well-being. There is no rigid timeline as to when this will be evident in your behaviour, however, you should be able to see a change soon enough. This will help you understand whether the therapeutic relationship is working out for you or not. If you feel that after being in therapy for months, you are still at the same place where you started, you might want to consider changing your therapist. 

6. Your therapist crosses the line 

A psychologist is required to adhere to ethical boundaries with their clients. These boundaries include not seeing the client outside the office casually, not texting the client outside of their sessions, not touching the client or passing comments on their body. If the therapist violates these boundaries, then it may be time for you to consider changing your therapist. Confidentiality is another boundary that a therapist must maintain. If you do not feel safe with your therapist and you feel uncomfortable sharing your most vulnerable emotions, it may be time to self-reflect. 

7. You are left feeling overwhelmed after every session 

Difficult emotions do come up during therapy sessions and it is okay to feel upset or sad after the session. However, if you are constantly feeling such emotions wherein they are not intervening to help you process the emotions, you may be left feeling unheard or neglected. If this continues for all the sessions where you are unable to process your emotions out of discomfort, you may want to consider dumping your therapist. Constantly feeling overwhelmed or upset after every session may feel like a burden and deteriorate your well-being. 

According to Counseling Psychologist, Archana Nanduri Ending your relationship with your therapist is a good idea if you feel that your therapy isn’t working for you it isn’t making any progress or your therapist doesn’t seem like a good fit to you. However, stopping your therapy is not right. A person needs to transition thoughtfully to a different therapist rather than to stop the therapy altogether. It is important to discuss your issues in detail with your therapist. Appropriate open communication with your therapist is very important to resolve your issues.

However, even after you do this and you don’t find that things are working, your therapist will suggest you seek help from someone who seems fit to your needs. A good therapist is always concerned about the client’s well-being and will help the client make the right transition to fit through their mental health requirements. Therapy is all about having good mental health and the right support is very crucial to achieve this. Stopping therapy without a plan might disturb the progress made so far so it is crucial to continue the journey with another qualified therapist. Continue to remember that mental well-being is your ultimate goal.

How do I break up with my therapist?

Dumping your therapist may seem like a daunting and often emotionally overwhelming task. This may be the case especially when you lack assertiveness and/or relationship efficacy. Because of the “role of expert” associated with them, it may become intimidating for a client to end the relationship with them. However, there exists a healthy way to end the therapeutic alliance. 

Instead of going “no contact” or “ghosting”, the healthier way would be to talk to them and reflect on your relationship as well as therapeutic goals. This will allow you to understand your therapeutic journey and the difficulties due to which you want to leave. You would further be able to choose a better-suited one for yourself. 

According to Assistant Professor Mitali Jha, When therapy isn’t working, here are steps you can take as a client:

• Communicate: Share your feelings and concerns with your therapist. Let them know what you think isn’t working.
• Reevaluate Goals: Discuss your therapy goals with your therapist and see if they need to be adjusted.
• Be Open to New Approaches: Ask about trying different techniques or methods that might be more effective for you.
• Please give honest feedback about what’s helping and what isn’t. Your input can guide the sessions.
• Identify Barriers: Talk about any obstacles that might be affecting your progress, such as stressors outside of therapy.
• Stay Engaged: Keep participating actively in therapy and apply what you learn outside of sessions.
• Seek a Second Opinion: Consider getting a second opinion or consulting with another therapist if you feel stuck.
• Consider a Change: If things aren’t improving, discuss switching to a different therapist who might better fit you.

Open communication with your therapist is crucial if therapy isn’t working for you as a client. Discuss your concerns, review and adjust your goals, and consider trying new approaches. Stay engaged, reflect on your progress, and address any barriers. Consider exploring the option of finding a different therapist who might be a better fit for your needs. Because the most important thing we need to remember is that “we matter.”

Don’t be afraid to provide feedback to them if you feel that something they did was not the best for your healing journey. Therapists are trained to be open to constructive feedback. They understand the concept of finding the right fit for yourself. Remember that the therapeutic relationship is for you and your needs. Instead of evaluating it from an emotional lens, a better perspective would be to see it from the perspective of a consumer and the lead participant in your own life.