Entering a toxic relationship can be likened to walking into a psychological minefield. These people weaken our perceptions of self and deplete our emotional resources by being negative, manipulative, and disrespectful. While breaking links can seem like the shortest getaway, it is frequently never a viable option, leaving us seeking for solutions to traverse these perilous waters. Fortunately, psychology provides a wealth of knowledge to assist us in avoiding toxic people and safeguarding our wellbeing. Here, we explore into five evidence-based strategies for overcoming these challenging relationships.
1. Understanding the Toxic: Identifying the Warning Signs
Being conscious is the first step in the process. Prior to planning our strategy, we must identify the subtle—and occasionally not so subtle—signs of toxic conduct. These warning indicators serve as red flags, alerting us to possible emotional risks:
- Chronic Negativity: Their encounters are always cloaked in a fog of negativity, criticism, and whining. Both Peterson and Seligman (2004) point out, this negativity may spread easily, depleting the environment and eroding our own optimistic perspective.
- Disrespectful Communication: Their go-to conversational tactics of choice become irony, demeaning remarks, mocks, and even verbal abuse. As Siegel (2012) notes, this action undermines our sense of value and disdains fundamental decency.
- Manipulation and Guilt-Tripping: Emotional blackmail is prevalent, with demands and duties dependent on their acceptance or rejection. This manipulative strategy is clarified by Kassinove (2009), who highlights how it erodes our sense of agency and autonomy.
- Boundary Violations: Privacy, time, and personal space are reduced to empty words. They invade our privacy, touch us inappropriately, or force their will on us without thinking about how uncomfortable it would be. Rubin (2003) highlights the need of establishing and upholding boundaries in order to safeguard these intangible facets of our identities.
- Drama and Emotional Volatility: They always appear to be surrounded by chaos and emotional upheaval. Linehan (2014) observes in her studies on emotional control that they want to create drama, start disputes, and have erratic outbursts.
These are but a few of the warning signs that point to a poisonous relationship. Knowing these early warning indicators enables us to proactively safeguard our well-being.
Also Read: Toxic Workplaces: Signs, Impact and Solution
2. Building Strong Boundaries and Strengthen Your Walls
Negative and complainers are awful individuals since they don’t concentrate on finding solutions and instead get mired in their issues. In order for them to feel better about themselves, they want others to come along to their sympathy party. To avoid coming out as impolite, people frequently listen to whiners, yet they are easily sucked into their pessimism.
Only by establishing boundaries and removing yourself when required can you prevent this. Consider this: would you stay there all afternoon breathing in secondhand smoke if the complainant were a smoker? You would put yourself at a remove, and you need to treat whiners similarly. Inquiring about the complainants’ plans to address the issue is a wonderful method to establish boundaries. They’ll either keep silent or refocus the discussion in a constructive direction.
3. Limiting the Exposure
It should be simpler for you to escape someone’s traps the more illogical and off-base they are. Give up attempting to outwit them on their own turf. Keep your emotional distance from them and treat your dealings with them as though they were a laboratory experiment—or, if that comparison suits you better, as their psychiatrist. The facts speak for themselves; you don’t have to react to the emotional upheaval.
- Reducing individual conversations: Choose for group situations or restrict conversation to necessary subjects.
- Refusing invites strategically: Give priority to socializing with upbeat and encouraging people.
- Taking break from social media: If their online activity is wearing you down, think either muting or temporarily unfollowing them.
- Keeping a physical distance: Give people the room they need to interact or, in difficult circumstances, decide to leave.
4. Refusing the Bait
Manipulative strategies are frequently used by toxic people to elicit strong emotions or drag you into disputes. Never accept the bait! Instead, learn how to undermine their efforts:
- Recognize and move on: Give a cursory nod to what they said, but resist the urge to start a debate.
- The grey rock approach: This is to provide a surface that is emotionally detached. Give brief answers and refrain from giving naysayers more fuel for their hatred.
- Pay attention to non-verbal cues: Maintain a neutral demeanor, shield your eyes when needed, and convey composure to prevent things from getting out of hand.
- Be conscious: Be aware and conscious of their actions by being in the present and observing them without passing judgment. You may do this to distance yourself from their negativity and keep your emotions in check.
- Turn the emphasis around: Either change the subject to something unrelated or withdraw from the interaction completely.Recall that you are free to withdraw from relationships that are emotionally taxing.
According to studies on emotional regulation (Eisenberg et al., 2009), these techniques can assist you in maintaining composure and stop the toxic person from controlling your feelings.
Also Read: 9 Signs of a Toxic Relationship
5. Prioritize Self-Care
Managing toxic people may be psychologically and emotionally draining. It is therefore crucial to prioritize self-care in order to safeguard your well-being and restock your emotional reserves. This comprises:
- Changing around your schedule: This can assist you in avoiding being drawn into discussions that you would like to ignore. Consider reading a book, donning headphones, or finding a different place to eat lunch than the break area.
- Self-talk: There are moments when you take in other people’s negativity. While having negative sentiments about someone’s treatment of you is perfectly acceptable, how you communicate to yourself about those feelings has the power to either reinforce or assist you in overcoming them.
- Forgive-not-forget: To be forgiven is to stop allowing the behavior to rule you. It does not imply condoning or tolerating the behavior. It’s something that’s done with a great deal of strength and self-love. Remember how people treat you, whether it’s for the better or worse, and utilize that knowledge to live a clear and determined life.
- Exercises: Deep breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, and time spent in nature are among stress-reduction practices that can help control your stress response as well as foster emotional resilience.
- Getting professional assistance: You should think about seeing a counselor or a therapist when the relationship is having a negative effect on your mental health. They can offer helpful methods and resources for handling the circumstances and promoting mental health.
Also Read: How Toxic Relationships Affect Our Mental Health
Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care
Sometimes it seems like the sole strategy to stop toxic individuals in your life is to cut them out. This isn’t always possible, though. If you’re forced to spend time together with someone who behaves toxically, keep in mind that you are not accountable for or at responsible for their behaviors. It’s critical that people understand what you will not put up with.
References+
- https://www.talentsmarteq.com/articles/how-emotionally-intelligent-people-handle-toxic-people/
- https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-deal-with-toxic-people#takeaway
- https://www.heysigmund.com/toxic-people-16-practical-powerful-ways-to-deal-with-them/
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