Many of us have an uncomfortable relationship with our feelings. We might stuff down our sadness or sweep away our anger. We might even have trouble identifying what we’re feeling in the first place. We learn that we must cover up our emotions to behave appropriately, professionally, and avoid conflict and navigate relationships. We believe we are weak if we feel sad or scared, so we avoid these emotions.
Often things are out of our control and we can’t always fix the situations, at least not easily. But that doesn’t mean we cannot overcome the miserable feelings. It is all there in our mind. And in our minds, it is that what we feed. While feelings may be tricky and we may view them with unease or even suspicion, they are important and valuable. Because those are what we live with.
If we don’t like it, they are not going to go away. They should be heard, comprehended and if required altered or may be treated. For all this to happen we need to feel our feelings and acknowledge them. Here are four easy steps that can boost your emotional quotient. This will help you to know yourself, like your own self and eventually be confident and happy about yourself.
1. Feeling the Feelings
Feeling our feelings allows us to follow our wisdom.
Like, say you acknowledge that you feel anxious about taking a test or going on a trip, but you usually do both, anyway. You acknowledge feeling angry because you had a bad day, but you decide to act with kindness to your kids. Thus, by feeling and acknowledging what we feel we come to know our strengths. Also, every time we have feelings, we don’t have to act on them. Sometimes, acting on our emotions doesn’t serve us, and the thoughts wrapped up in the feelings may be inaccurate. What’s more helpful is to acknowledge how we are feeling and explore the accuracy of our thoughts.
2. Sharing the Feelings
Sharing is caring weren’t just about food. Letting others share is caring for them and sharing what you feel is caring for yourself. Both are equally important. Talking about something makes you see things in a different light and helps you sort things out. Telling somebody that you are sad can take some of the sadness away and sharing joy will add more joy. Humans often crave closeness to other people and sharing feelings fulfils that. A guy with 9.8 million followers on Instagram and 1.9 million on Twitter was alone, let that sink in.
The dangerous place to live is in your head. Never presume. Never stop reaching out. Maintain relationships. Be there for someone. People yearn to be heard and to be understood. That is the ultimate purpose of life. It is not important to counsel or give advice but it is more essential to listen. To listen when someone wants to speak out. To listen without judging. To be compassionate if possible. To not only say that I am there. To make someone feel your presence. The main job is to listen. Listening is an extraordinary job.
Family and friends are the best company. Trust them. Trust yourself. Sometimes, we also feel quite alone in this world. But when we open up, we realize we are not that alone. Humans connect. And that is what makes us wonderful. We use mutually shared feelings and experiences to do so and feel connected. Running from our emotions can keep us stuck. Sitting with them opens us up to growth and learning. And talking about it causes us to finally overcome and heal. Feelings are fickle. What is permanent is you.
3. Accepting the Feelings
Healing is possible. Happiness is possible.
Allow yourself to be unhappy. Allow yourself to feel bad. Feel the pain. It is okay to feel what you feel. It is okay to not be okay. All we want is to get away from it, ignore it, and pretend that we are fine. We try to defend it, numb it and distract heal. Feelings are a very human response.
Please understand wanting to get away from unhappiness doesn’t make it better.
If you ignore your unwanted feelings, it may prolong the pain and make it worse. Better is to accept it. Combat it. Be compassionate to yourself. The way you feel is your way, stop comparing yourself with the world. You have lived a different life and have had different experiences. You are one of a kind.
You have different abilities and shortcomings just the way every other person has. You have had and are having different situations and varied times. It is okay to feel what you are feeling. And you have to accept it. Whether you want to change or transform is secondary, what is of utmost importance is that you have to accept that yes, this is the way it happens and I feel like this, knowing it.
4. Writing the Feelings
When you know what you feel, you also know what you don’t want to feel. And the best way to vent it out is to write them. Though there are a lot of creative ways to express feelings, researchers have proven that writing is the easiest and most effective way to vent your feelings. Keep a daily habit of writing down.
It is beautifully said that “Sometimes only paper will listen to you” Also soon you will experience that your deepest feelings will come out only when you sit to write. It is a very emotional process and helps you to bring yourself in touch with your feelings. There can be a possibility that one can find it difficult to speak but will find it easy to write.
These four steps will assuredly help in boosting your emotional immunity and improve your emotional quotient in the long run.
Keep Feeling. Keep Sharing. Accept it and Write it out.
