10 Subtle Traits of a Narcissistic Personality, According to Psychology

In this modern society, we easily say my manager or He/she is so Narcissistic. Does it really mean the individual is narcissistic? Before labelling someone, let’s see what does the real narcissism look like.

What is Narcissism really means? 

The DSM-5 defines a narcissistic personality disorder as “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration and lack of empathy”. It also includes variable and vulnerable self-esteem, that individuals try to regulate via constant attention and approval seeking from others. The person with narcissistic traits is typified by symptoms like the belief that he or she is so special and unique, over-confidence, fantasies of unlimited success, entitlement, interpersonal exploitation, envy, arrogance, superficial relationships, and low level of insight. Narcissism is ultimately a disorder of self-esteem and superficiality. Narcissists’ grandiosity, and quest for greatness lead to most people viewing them as most confident, smart, and successful. The individual with narcissistic traits may experience emotional roller coaster every day. On days they are appreciated, they have a great day. On days they receive praise, it’s all doom and gloom. Narcissism is considered one of the dark personality traits. 

What are Dark Personality traits? 

Dark personality trait is associated with characteristics such as manipulative, self-serving and harmful behaviors. These traits are explained under the umbrella term called “Dark Triad”. 

The Dark Triad 

The term dark triad was given by Delroy Paulhus and Kevin Williams. The dark triad is the overlap of three distinct personality traits. 

• Machiavellianism: Machiavellianism is defined as the manipulation or exploitation of others. It also includes cynicism and deception. To make it simple, Machiavellians make every situation to their advantage. 
• Psychopathy: It is the pathological selfishness, consistent violation of rules, norms, and laws, lack of remorse, cold and callous attitudes and behaviours. They’re not so easy to handle as they lack the sense of remorse and guilt. They have the inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for anything. 
• Narcissism: Narcissists tend to be self-oriented, and grandiose, face difficulty in comprehending other’s situations and emotions, and constantly seek approval from others. 

The dark traits are highly related and overlap with narcissism. It’s hard to witness an individual with clean narcissism but rather with a combination of various traits of this triad may end up with one extremely challenging personality.

Narcissism is an epidemic and no one is free from its effects. Much like the flu, either you get affected by the flu or you end up taking care of those who got affected. Similarly, even if you don’t possess those traits, you may end up working with people with these traits or have to face neighbors (Hugg.Co.In, 2024). It mostly affects people belonging to the age group of 20s. Men are more prone to have narcissistic traits than women.

Read More: Understanding Dark Psychology and Manipulation Tactics

Why is there an increase in the prevalence of narcissistic traits?

Indian Parenting style 

Gender discrimination is still evident to some extent in our society. Treating boys before girls, always fulfilling their demands, and ignoring mistakes is common. While neglecting the needs of the girl child, their emotions go unnoticed. This may lead to the development of fragile self-development. 

Changes in modern society 

As people are moving towards Western culture by focusing on economic growth, modernization, and urbanization, there has been a drop in cultural values and society. The obsession with personal growth or craving for materialistic things has eradicated the sense of morality, generosity, and compromise for others. Thus, individuals follow up on unhealthy competition which boosts narcissistic tendencies. 

Social media Influence 

People have developed the urge to get online validation through likes, followers, and views which further develops unhealthy self-obsession. The rising interest in dark humor, roast culture, trust issues, short-term relationships, etc, contribute to a society where self-centered, sigma attitudes are glorified. 

How an individual develops Narcissistic trait? 

Theorists say that the influencing factors of becoming a narcissist are early environment and culture. The early environment deals with relationships with parents or caregivers. The two key theorists on narcissism Heinz Kohut and Otto Kernberg say that the origin of narcissism lies in the parent-child relationship. Kohut focuses more on the concept called “mirroring” or the experience of getting consistent and realistic approval from parents. 

Mirroring 

Mirroring is defined as the caregiver’s reflection on the child’s feelings, behaviors, or experiences in a way that makes the child feel seen, valued, and understood. It is crucial for the development of a healthy sense of self. Kohut acknowledges that a child’s sense of self is shaped by the responses and reactions they get from their caregivers or significant others. 

The impact of mirroring on self-development 

• If mirroring is absent or insufficient, the child may develop a fragile sense of self. This may act as a contributing factor of narcissism, once the child grown it might face struggle to feel validated or seen by others.
• Mirroring may help to change the children’s grandiose thoughts and assumptions and shape them into a realistic sense of self. Without mirroring, the immature childhood view may persist. 
• If the parent reflects a child’s action in a supportive and affirmative way. The child may develop a healthy self-concept and emotional development. 
• Mirroring also helps to develop “self-soothing”. It is the ability to manage emotions appropriately on their own. 

Lack of Mirroring and Narcissism 

Narcissist tend to have a grandiose view of themselves and yearn for the mirroring that they lacked during their childhood. Hence, they become dependent on the world for constant validation and approval to uplift their self-esteem. Children who have unempathetic caregivers may remain emotionally hungry throughout their lives and tend to develop the outer world more than the inner world. They oscillate back and forth between grandiosity and emptiness. 

10 signs of Narcissistic Personality 

1. Lack of Empathy 

Narcissistic individuals have difficulty identifying and recognizing the experiences and feelings of others. They tend to say cruel words at times and are more oblivious to the pain that they cause with those words. If they share some information or emotion, they want the other person to be all ears. But when it’s their turn to listen to other’s feelings they will be tuned out. 

2. Entitlement 

It is the belief that one should be given special treatment, though there is no valid reason or cause. It also includes the belief that everyone should abide by the demands they make, even if it seems unreasonable. They have the attitude that “I deserve the best in everything”. Narcissist people tend to measure themselves with how they are treated by the outside world and as a result they may harshly yell at some innocent workers in public. 

3. Manipulative 

Manipulating others is one of the major traits that we discussed in Machiavellianism. Narcissistic people are good at manipulating things for their own benefit. They are masters in getting what they want, as they have no empathy, they don’t care what it costs someone else. 

Read More: Spotting Manipulation: How to Protect Yourself and Set Boundaries

4. Hypersensitive 

Though they are insensitive to others’ emotions, they are very concerned when it comes to them. They rarely censor words that could hurt others but become keen and sensitive in any way they feel slighted at any point in time. They deeply monitor what other people say and extract criticisms and insults. 

5. Lack of insight / Guilt 

It is so frustrating that they have no idea what they do to people. They do not observe the impact of their behavior on others, they also show little or no empathy for others and they are disconnected from the inner world. This lack of insight and guilt makes them do the same things that hurt others. 

6. Needs constant admiration and validation 

They find it difficult to be alone and constantly expect admiration of others to survive. Lack of validation and admiration make them feel that their life is empty. With the validation of other they keep them energized and improve their self-esteem.

Read More: Psychology behind External Validation

7. Gaslighting 

It is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person makes someone doubt their perception or memory. It tends to happen gradually over time and it leaves you feeling as though you are going crazy. Gaslighting may confuse and often result in doubting your reality. 

8. Never takes responsibility 

Since they’re very sensitive to criticism. Narcissists never take responsibility. They always try to avoid the blame if something goes wrong. They always focus on how to deflect their responsibility. 

9. Controlling 

Control is one of the most significant traits exhibited by narcissists. It is not just simple control but an all-encompassing dominance over others. By controlling people, narcissists feel a sense of power and tend to treat others in a submissive manner.

10. Reveling in other’s misery 

It refers to the enjoyment or pleasure narcissists derive from witnessing the misfortune or failure of others. They often do not get pleasure from someone else’s success and mostly they tend to be jealous. 

Ways to deal with a Narcissistic individual 

• Set boundaries: Make a clear boundary. It may affect the narcissistic but it is better to safeguard your emotions. 
• Speak for yourself: When something hurts, be clear and concise. 
• Educate Yourself: Learn how the individual with narcissistic trait behaves and get to know about their strength and weak areas. So that you can handle them in a better way. Knowing about them help you perceive and understand their point of view.
• Use words carefully: Narcissistic people don’t take criticism. Try to give feedback or comment in a more positive way. 
• Don’t expect them to understand your point of view: They don’t understand other’s emotions or perspective. If you expect to make them understand things, it may put yourself in trouble. 
• Be calm: They may try to manipulate or gaslight you at any point of time, try to understand that and stay away from them. 

When you feel struggle facing them, keep these words in your mind, 

This Narcissus of ours
Can’t see his face in the mirror 
Because he has become the one. 

- Antonio Mach Ado

 This phrase denotes self-absorption that narcissistic holds.